Weasels Among Us or See the Conquering Hero Come

Her name is Yum-Yum, and she is actually a ferret. Our next-door neighbors (most of my friends know who they are) recently acquired her as an alternative to a cat (allergies) or a dog (size). She doesn't make anybody sneeze, is very small, and can be very quiet.

My only previous experience with ferrets was at Melissa's house. Andrea, Melissa and I were watching ummmm, that movie that I can't remember the name of.... the book was called The Hot Zone... Outbreak! Remember? And Melissa's dad came in part-way through, when we were huddled up on the couch in sheer terror, and threw the beast on us! Needless to say, I haven't thought kindly of ferrets since then.

Yum-Yum comes to visit us sometimes. It is barely a step from her doorway to ours, but it took quite some time before she felt really safe going even that short distance from the safety of her apartment. She wears a tiny collar with a bell on it to keep unsuspecting people from stepping on her. She scuttles around the outer edges of each room, sure that nobody can see her. She likes the space between the counter and the stove - small, secret, dark, and safe from hawks. Her favorite foods are cucumbers and raw eggs. Once she is sure that she is safe in a new environment, she likes exploring. She loves to push things over, especially if they make a loud noise. Sometimes I think the bell is unnecessary - just follow the sound of falling china. She routinely tips over the trash cans, the toilet brush holder, everything on Lisa's bedside table, and has even managed to get up on the kitchen table to finish off the sugar bowl.

One of her other favorite occupations is chewing on people's feet. I never thought of myself as one of those females who stand on chairs to avoid mice, but I must confess that more than one occasion has found me standing on the couch, my bed, or some other convenient high spot to avoid her. Something about her size, skritchy claws, rodent-like aspect, and cold little nose reacts unfavorably with my nerves. Even kicking at her doesn't work (not violently, for any animal rights activists or sensitive souls who are reading this. In fact, if you fit one of those categories, probably it would be good to stop reading at the end of this paragraph). She seems to have no concept of size, and will attack back immediately. I like animals very well in their place, but attached to my foot is not it.

Today Yum-Yum displayed another side of her character, very much to glee of all the male members of her family. She killed a pigeon. Pigeons land on the railing of the porch, make messes, and are a general nuisance. Apparently, one was actually on the floor of the porch, a mistake he will never make again. Yum-Yum suddenly roused herself in war-like might and leaped upon him, hanging on to his wing. Thankfully, the gory details of the ensuing battle and victory were not repeated to me. Sorry, Derrick. She would have loved to have carried her trophy home like a bloodthirsty warrior returning from the battlefield, displayed it before her admiring family and then hidden it in the springs of the couch. She was thwarted in this, and got a bath instead. Poor Yum-Yum.

She was over to visit us after the big event (clean and in her right mind). Thankfully battle instincts were lying dormant again - she felt no need to kill my feet. Instead she went off to push over the trash can....